Salaamz sisters,
What does everyone think about the Muslim men out there that think that a sister should be the one courting them for marriage instead of the other way around. I've heard such stories about brothers that want the sister to pine after them. How about the brother that doesn't even want to get intended they just want to hop straight into a marriage for their own selfish reasons i.e. (fornication). Not to say that sisters don't do this as well. I've heard so many stories of brothers that take advantage of new Muslimahs just because they may not know their rights or how marriage works in Islam. There are so many other examples out there as well and I'd love to hear them.
Shukran,
Kahlia
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Thinking about approaching marriage in an Islamic context I just don't see where "courting" or "pining" come in if everything is arranged by the Wali and/or the Sheikh.
ReplyDeleteI can’t imagine how difficult it is to get married for women who convert. I’ve never had anyone share with me this marriage as a “halal” means of fornication, but I do know some convert women who are in their late 20s and early 30s who have shared just how difficult finding a practicing, Muslim husband is for them, especially because these sisters are African American and professionals (doctors, analysts, attorneys). Do you think this is a fairly common issue?
I feel like a large barrier, regarding the growth and sustainability of the ummah as a whole, is the unnecessary segregation between the sexes. There are times when separation is necessary (salat, for example), but I’ve never seen any need for a separation during halaqas (unless there are gender specific issues being discussed) or functions (Iftar dinners, potlucks, etc.). I think the unintended result is that there is little to no sense of community, because of the lack of Islamic settings for halal interactions between the sexes. Does that make sense?
Honestly and I'm just speaking from what I've seen and heard. Many men and women in Islam aren't going about marriage in an Islamic manner or way. I know many sisters that are living with their "fiances" and doing all sorts of things. So when I said "courting, and pining" I guess you could say it was out of context but not really because whether people realize this or not, this is how things are being done now a days. When I converted to Islam years ago the day after I took my Shahada their were sisters in the masjid telling me that I just took the first step and that the second step was to get married and that they knew of this brother and that brother who needed a wife, so believe me sister it really isn't that hard especially with other things like these Muslim match making sites.
ReplyDeleteI guess what I am really trying to get at is that there is a huge lack of information and even bigger misinformation for these sisters.
From my experience and my mother's experience is that when a sister is a new convert it used to be that the community would fix her up or suggest to her on a brother. The problem with that is a newly muslim sister should first:1. Know there rights as a wife and there husbands rights. 2. Make Istikhara etc. I have personally seen to many sisters that will jump into a marriage because a brother said so , or they feel that because it is part of there deen " all is good" We as sisters need to educate ourselves Islamically before you do anything and ofcourse trust in Allah. I honestly have never seen a brother throw the suggestion out there that they need to chase them, that is certainly different but unfortunately in this day and age anything can happen.
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